Swing Life Away.

I really miss being depressed. Not gonna lie, I miss it so much.
I know that statement practically says "get me help now," but I don't mean it that way.
I just really hate being happy. It kind of seems like it's too good to be true, and the pessimist I am always looks for the bad to come. I guess, I can never truly be happy, I'm always expecting the worst in every situation and I never see all the good standing right in front of me, and when I don't appreciate the good, that's when everything gets bad. Just like I expected. I ruin my life, all by myself. I ruin every good thing in my life. Every single thing.

I wish I could just swing my life away. The swings are the only place where I don't have to be happy or sad, or any other emotion, I can just swing.

When I'm happy, I want to be depressed. When I'm depressed, I want to be happy.
I think I been looking for a reason to hurt again. I think I've finally found it.

I just don't know if I want it anymore.