Good vs. Evil

Have you ever felt like you were living a double life? You don't necessarily have to have two completely different families that you switch back and forth between that neither family knows about. I'm talking about, you, being two people.

As for me, yes. And I don't know what it means. But it just is. Sometimes they dissolve into each other, and I can't really tell that there's two of me, that's when I think I'm normal. But then there is how my life usually is. One minute I'm the good Christian girl, so passionate about God. The next, I'm this other girl. The "average" teen, if there ever was such a thing. The first is strong, loving, fun, loud, ready to learn. The other is insecure, hopeless, lost, dissinterested, bored, creative, a painter, a writer, a musician. One is bright colors, one is black. One is smiling, one has fear in her eyes. These two different people switch on and off, and it's terrifying. In a spilt second the switch is flipped, who am I now? Do the people I am with like this person? How well can I hide the switch? The only thing worse than the lows are the highs. The highs are nice while they last, but they will just be cut down by a violent low. The lows are nicer, because I feel real. I feel pain. Beauty. Loss. Suffering. Creativity. Raw emotions. Instead of those uncomfortable highs of bliss, a false glimmer of hope. And everytime they come, I pray they will stay, but they never do. No one understands, they say it's normal. And yes, it may very well be "normal" like they say, but either way, whether everyone feels this way or it's just me, the double life sucks. I just want to be one person. One whole, real person.