"We ranaway, now all my friends gone. Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved. Runaway. But what are we running from? A show of hands from those in this audience of one, where have they gone ? We’re all ok, until the day we’re not. The surface shines, while the inside rots"
Maybe it's just me, but I think I'm outgrowing all the things I've once loved, all the people I have once loved. Well, me, I hate change, so how is it possible that I'm content with change when I'm the one doing the changing? I know I'm not the same person I was a few months ago, but I'm also not the same person I was two years ago. I'm slowly finding my way. I don't need to learn how to live my life from brainwashed people, who are just trying to brainwash me. I am my own person, and I will continue to be who I am even if it kills me. I have come to realize, in recent months, that I have spent so much time trying to be accepted, not by the world, but by the church, and it's completely ridiculous. If God accepts me for who I am, why can't everyone else? I'm sick of trying to act like the perfect Christian when on the inside I'm a wreck. Let me just say, I am NOT a Christian, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, and I believe I am going to Heaven, but I do NOT need a label to tell me that. I don't need a church to accept me, because honestly, I don't need people. So, I'm sorry if my new realization is hurting people. I'm sorry that if when I stop trying to please people that it makes people think I'm changing and that I don't care about them anymore, but I'd rather be myself and alone, than wear a disguise my whole life and be accepted. If you don't like me, then you don't have to deal with me. If you hate me, then just leave already, because as much as I want to runaway, I can't. I'm sick of trying to please people, I'm sick of not standing up for myself, and even worse, I'm sick of people making me feel like crap. They say some people are going to be in your life forever and others are just there to make an appearance, I have yet to find someone who will be in my life forever, but maybe I'm coming to terms with people making an appearance, and maybe them leaving me before I outgrow them is for the best, and maybe it will be less painful. I guess nothing good can last forever, but I'm okay with that.
hey bek. it's kylie. I feel all your pain in this, but I think you got some things confused.
ReplyDeleteif you feel like a wreck and put on a show, then you can still be a Christian... just a really bad one.
The only difference between Christians and non Christians is that we have hope in the original Love. Still sinners, still a wreck. You live in America, you are born in America, you're American. If you have lots of estrogen, boobs and a vagina, you're (99.9%) a woman. These aren't labels, these are facts. You believe in Jesus, you believe in God and have accepted His gift, sorry you're a Christian. The church? A bunch of messed up people putting on a show and ragging on others. Aka, Christians. Just bad ones.
Seems like you are on a soapbox for the wrong reasons. Be who you are, who CARES what others think, if you want to be alone, be alone. You have friends who love you and people who would love to be in your life for a lifetime. As one of them, that's easy to say because I want to spend eternity with you too.
I sounded like this a few months ago when I read ecclesiastes. read it, if you want.
But of all this crap (which is all true) remember only this:
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?
Or am I trying to please man?
If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
I love you so so so much. more than you know, and more than you might believe. genuine, pure love.
* I meant to clarify with the first comment.... if you put on a show that's great that you're sick of it. You freaking should be. Christians, the ones who know Christ and have taken the time to discover His love and pursue Him (I'm not even close), can have alcoholics, can share their problems, can be leaders, can be torn up inside, can suck at life, but know God is one the they are trying to please and Jesus is their only role model. If you strive towards Him, you'll more than surpass the church (who are just christians) expectations. but by that point.... who cares?
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